Why Be in a Rut When You Can Be in a Groove? || Alex Swartzentruber

In the bathroom when I cannot find the light switch, I do not call out Bloody Mary. Instead, I say Santa Claus three times. Sitting at the computer, instead of reading Webmd like the old me, I learn about Bigfoot and believe everything. Brooding can be fun but one can go deeper into life by skating lightly across it. I bet crystals don’t do shit for your health but I’m buying tons. They are beautiful. Someone once said on Twitter, “If you think something is cool, that means you like it.” My friend has a video of a ghost on their phone. Some people say it’s just a guy in a hoodie. Others say, “Holy shit.” And I can see the hairs stand up on their arm. If you say, “That’s just a guy in a hoodie,” your body doesn’t move and maybe you even feel a little angry, as if your intelligence was insulted. You don’t want to be fooled. But even if it is a guy in a hoodie, the person who let the hairs on their arm stand up felt a rush. They flexed a muscle you didn’t. They felt physiological excitement. Bigfoot runs wild through the woods of my mind. I do not believe in Bigfoot, I have faith in Bigfoot. I can’t remember ever believing in Santa, yet I ask him for forgiveness each year.


Alex L. Swartzentruber is a writer from Indiana. He studies folklore and karaoke.

Originally published in the FALL 2018 edition of the Helix.


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